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Monday, October 5, 2009

Let Freedom Ring

I'm all about freedom. In fact, I'd say freedom is a driving force in my life. And, there are laws that I find archaic and oppressive- The ban on gay marriage, for instance,or the fact that I am not allowed to paint my nails while unfair. But, there are some things that are not illegal...that really need to be.

Case in point.

1. Over Zealous Sprinklers Systems- There are sprinklers that spray out onto Sunset Blvd. during my commute to and from work. Thus, every day, I have to SWERVE around the streams of water that threaten to splatter my nice clean car...while going 45 mph...and dodging on-coming traffic. Not my happy place. 40 lashes.

2. The "Poo and Run"- Beverly Hills is a virtual mine-field of doggie dooty. Which, over time, biodegrades into the ground and into the water systems. yum. Book 'em Danno.

3. Beepers- No, not pagers. Beepers...of horns. On my way to work this morning, there was a car that had broken down in the middle of road. I could see the driver inside, an older man who was clearly distressed. So, we're all patiently going around this poor man's ailing Toyota (and hoping he had help on the way) when this misguided diva in a white Mercedes decides to LAY on her if THAT would magically make the man's car move out of the way. If I hadn't been in a hurry...and a-scared of being shot at by a road-raging Real Housewife...I would have gotten out of my car and slapped her upside her clueless clip-on extensions. 30 days community service and no manicures for a year.

4. Scooters- No, not Razors. Vespas. Formerly known as Mopeds. Don't get me wrong, there is a place for scooters in this world. It's called Key West. It is not, however, called Santa Monica Blvd in rush hour traffic. Move along, little doggies. 12 hail Marys and 3 days in the clink.

5. Gum Drops- If there is gum on the sidewalk, my shoe will find it. Like magnet and steel. Since littering is already illegal it's time it was properly enforced. Off with their heads!

This concludes Part 1 of Things That Should Be Illegal. I realize this post makes me sound a tad petulant. So, if after reading, if you prefer not only to unsubscribe but to block my IP address entirely, I completely understand. If you would, instead, like to add to the list via the comments section- God bless your prickly soul ;)


Anonymous said...

Would we please be able to add something about cell phones and driving? You are so lucky to live in a "hands free" state. Come East my dear and add dodging the "texters" and cell phone users along with the sprinklers! Should be illegal. Love your work!

Sara Bellum said...

Nice, made me laugh as usual!
One more for you: cigarette butts out car windows. I mean, would you throw a gum wrapper out the window? A paper cup? ANY other trash? Yet this is socially acceptable. I've been tempted (when at a red light) to run up to the car in front of me and return the disgusting object saying "I believe you dropped this". If I wasn't such a chicken I would.

Kelly said...

Not certain if I should point it out, but all other non-pet critters - chipmunks, squirrels, bunnies, deer, raccoons, etc. - also leave poo on the ground fertilizing it more so than entering the water table, but maybe they are prevalent in CA as in MI? Also, in my area, doggies' people carry plastic baggies to pick up the doggies' poo.

girl about town said...

Hey kelly, thanks for the comment and for reading! Apparently, the other non-domesticated critters don't carry the types of bacteria and disease that doggies can...not to mention the doggy "poo" is quite a bit larger- ha!I can't tell you how often my dog steps in other dogs' dooty..ick! We have bags too...but people are just not picking it up- you can't 2 feet w/out having to side step! LOL. Thanks again for your feedback! :)

britborn said...

Great post AGAIN...and always looking forward for more of them. PS. There are also some words that should be stricken from ones vocabulary such as "whatever" - this is such a rude and dismissive way to respond to anyone!

Anonymous said...

I find it offensive that my plump neighbors, you know,the ones that look like weebles with beetlejuice hair choose to mow their lawns with an industrial push mower, shirtless. If you can just picture the glistening sweat dripping off their rolly polly dimply abs... well, nuff said. ewwww.

BearGapBabs said...

As usual, hysterical. I have to admit to a few of those frights myself.