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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

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Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Diary of a Madwoman

Sometimes... quite often...all the live-long day, I think deep thoughts about nothing at all. It's a gift. I was born with the enviable ability to obsess over things about which most people don't give a tiny worms knuckle.

Don't be jealous.

Today, I have decided to post said random crap. Lucky you.

Things That Don't Belong Together

Going Commando and Mini Skirts- Now, young Hollywood Starlets, I am hardly a prude. but, it's just bad manners to show your lady-business to the paparazzi. Keep it under wraps, yeah?

My dog and Rain- Dog About Town resides in the perfect climate because she despises rain and it hardly ever rains in Southern California. Her distaste runs so deep, she actually refuses to even cross the threshold onto the porch if the sprinkler system is on. She can't hear me calling her name from 2 feet away but she can hear the lawn being lightly watered one-story below. I think I'm being bamboozled.

Spam and me- I do not now, nor will I ever, desire to enlarge my penis. I like my penis the way it is. So,, know your audience..and know when to quit.

Children and Electronics- I find it interesting that my mom-friends find themselves missing calls, placing involuntary calls and even replacing entire cell phones because of their children. "My son gave my Blackberry a the toilet," "My 3 year old must have dialed your number," "My 4-year-old turned the ringer off," "Little Lauren covered it in play dough." K, I don't have a child...or a blackberry...but when I do, I'm thinkin' never the twain shall meet.

Ectomorphs and Running- for details, see prior post (yes, that was a shameless plug).

Blind Dates and Men Who Don't Speak English- for details, stay tuned for future post (hey, I just installed Ad Sense and a girl's gotta eat).

And my personal favorite...

Cottage Cheese and Human Consumption: It's curdled milk, people!! curdled. milk. I rest my case.

Last Minute Addition:

Blogging and Blogspot- There is a ghost in the machine. Hence, the crazy font sizes and styles it chooses against my will. Trebuchet, damn blogspot, Trebuchet!!!!!