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Monday, October 5, 2009

Let Freedom Ring

I'm all about freedom. In fact, I'd say freedom is a driving force in my life. And, there are laws that I find archaic and oppressive- The ban on gay marriage, for instance,or the fact that I am not allowed to paint my nails while driving....so unfair. But, there are some things that are not illegal...that really need to be.

Case in point.

1. Over Zealous Sprinklers Systems- There are sprinklers that spray out onto Sunset Blvd. during my commute to and from work. Thus, every day, I have to SWERVE around the streams of water that threaten to splatter my nice clean car...while going 45 mph...and dodging on-coming traffic. Not my happy place. 40 lashes.

2. The "Poo and Run"- Beverly Hills is a virtual mine-field of doggie dooty. Which, over time, biodegrades into the ground and into the water systems. yum. Book 'em Danno.

3. Beepers- No, not pagers. Beepers...of horns. On my way to work this morning, there was a car that had broken down in the middle of road. I could see the driver inside, an older man who was clearly distressed. So, we're all patiently going around this poor man's ailing Toyota (and hoping he had help on the way) when this misguided diva in a white Mercedes decides to LAY on her horn...as if THAT would magically make the man's car move out of the way. If I hadn't been in a hurry...and a-scared of being shot at by a road-raging Real Housewife...I would have gotten out of my car and slapped her upside her clueless clip-on extensions. 30 days community service and no manicures for a year.

4. Scooters- No, not Razors. Vespas. Formerly known as Mopeds. Don't get me wrong, there is a place for scooters in this world. It's called Key West. It is not, however, called Santa Monica Blvd in rush hour traffic. Move along, little doggies. 12 hail Marys and 3 days in the clink.

5. Gum Drops- If there is gum on the sidewalk, my shoe will find it. Like magnet and steel. Since littering is already illegal it's time it was properly enforced. Off with their heads!

This concludes Part 1 of Things That Should Be Illegal. I realize this post makes me sound a tad petulant. So, if after reading, if you prefer not only to unsubscribe but to block my IP address entirely, I completely understand. If you would, instead, like to add to the list via the comments section- God bless your prickly soul ;)